Author Archives: kavila38

The other day I was listening to a podcast with Paul Bloom, psychologist, author, and professor of psychology at Yale University and University of Toronto. He was having a discussion with the podcast host about human capacity to reason, the nature of human memory, and how events shape our lives. He said something that rightContinue reading “The Secret Ingredient”

Not a sound to be heard. Not a squeak, not a word. The air becomes paralyzed in the night, as shadows swallow up all the light. The darkness so thick, you can barely see, while coldness creeps up houses and trees. Eyes heavy as dreams start to dance. The world closes in before the lastContinue reading “DAY 100”

When I was 32 and a half weeks pregnant with Theo, my water broke. It was not an explosive gush of water onto the floor, but a slow drip, like I was peeing my pants a little bit every time I stood up or took a step. Luis rushed me to the hospital where IContinue reading “The Caregiver”

It’s a new year. Time to put away the holiday decorations and say good-bye to Mariah Carey for at least the next 10 months. Time to take a break from airports, shopping, overeating, over drinking, and over stressing. It’s time to start getting serious about that new year’s resolution you made before the ball droppedContinue reading “A Little Bitter Enhances the Sweet”

I can still remember the first time I saw Theo smile. It was beautiful. I wanted that smile to last forever. Like a drug, I was instantly addicted. I craved it every time I picked him up in my arms, like my life depended on it. Finally! After months of feeling like some crazy sleepContinue reading “A New Beginning”

“That’s a tough man bruise”. That’s what Coach Ed, Theo’s little league baseball coach, told Theo after he got hit hard on his side with the baseball. Theo appreciated that. It was just what he needed to hear at that very moment. It hurt, and as Theo says, “I was trying hard not to tear”.Continue reading “See You on the Other Side”

One recent morning I met a woman in the elevator at Seattle Children’s Hospital. Theo was back in the cancer care unit. I was on my way down to the 3rd floor to get coffee. Elevators can be so awkward and uncomfortable sometimes. You’re just standing there in silence, trying to avoid eye contact withContinue reading “Fluid”

“Every problem has an opportunity for something good. You just have to look for it.” Yamada, K. (2016) What Do You Do With A Problem? (M. Besom, Illus.). Compendium, Inc. Sounds easy, right? Turning something bad into something good. Finding the happiness in a maze of sadness. Staying calm in a storm of chaos. It’sContinue reading “The Black Belt Spirit”

A warm breeze, the morning sun, a fresh cup of coffee. I am sitting under the maple tree in our front yard with Luis, my love and best friend. We are all home in Kingston for the week. It is our first summer morning sitting together, looking at the trees, listening to the birds, andContinue reading “Recharge”

“It’s the cold fish dying in your stomach feeling. You try to forget about it, but as soon as you do, the fish starts flopping around under your heart and reminds you that something truly horrible is happening.” (Ozeki, 2013, p.180) Since Theo relapsed, I have been at war with my emotions. Like a bubblyContinue reading “Zazen”